call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
