My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
