; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
