is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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