ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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