ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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