I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
