I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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