she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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