His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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