I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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