If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
