That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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