Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
