So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You ate ashes out of my bong
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
