There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
