Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
