so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
