Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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