I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she woke up with a sticky ear
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
