forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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