If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
