Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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