Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
