Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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