My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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