Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
