I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
