when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
