Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
