you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize