he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
