JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
