will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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