Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize