piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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