this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
