I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
