textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
