One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
