Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
