3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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