fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
