I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
