There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
