I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Blow job season was short but glorious.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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