How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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