I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
NoShamevember. You game?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
