I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
