Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
