3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I enjoy the company of your penis
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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