i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
