I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
