If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
