Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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