I CAN MOONWALK!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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