i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
