His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
