Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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