Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
