Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
