he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
