Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
