Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
