No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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