She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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