I wanna passion pit in your ass
He passed out mid-signature
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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