the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
