I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize