worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
