I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
