I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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