drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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