My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
