hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we're making bets on your personal life
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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