ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
