Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
