I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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