absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
