He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
