I bet he comes in French.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
