I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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