Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
