we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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