Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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