i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
