I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
