Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
