you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
In America we eat man semen.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
