how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
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