with your own penis?
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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