to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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