Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
