my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
