no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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