; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
handjob tips. give me some.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
