FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
