Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize