Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
