i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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