there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
