this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
